Forgiveness Is More About You Than Them.
The other day, I was talking to my dear friend and brother, Andrew Orina, and he said, “A year ago you were being attacked by society. I hope the society learnt they can’t just come at the Nubian Hottie”. We laughed about it. Actually, it was more than a year ago but we both understood what he meant. He reminded me of the conversations we had about some things I was dealing with. You see, I met Andrew in 2017 at a training for people working in the natural resource sector in Africa. Since then we have maintained a friendship that has evolved into a familyship. (Yes I just made up that word). Andrew reminded me of the many stories I have since the time we met, the highs and lows I had experienced and how those stories came with lessons. That statement made me stop to think. Andrew is right. The stories are many, and they do come with lessons. The most important of them for me is the resolve I have found in my Christian faith. By the way, I left the church for a few years, but my trust in God was steadfast because the pain in my heart was palpable. I could never imagine a life without my belief in God’s grace and mercy. Also, I am blessed with a tribe/community, people across the world who have helped me navigate life’s journey. Identify your tribe and hold on to them.
That being said, I entered the new year telling myself that 2022 is the year of doing difficult things. Just so you know, I am never one to make new year resolutions. However, I decided to ease myself into making resolutions by telling myself to do difficult things. This year, I am choosing to take on difficult roles, have difficult conversations, confront difficult situations, and not shy away from difficult circumstances.
Now, doing difficult things is relative for a lot of us but it started for me with being deliberate about having a few conversations. It was about confronting and forgiving those who had hurt me and it was more about coming to terms with my weaknesses and being intentional about converting them to strengths. Two days into this year of difficult things, I had to confront situations I had avoided with people who had hurt me severely. I did it though, with great trepidation I went to see some people who had hurt me. There were no words, just raw and beautiful emotions coming through as we forgave and embraced each other. To be honest, it felt liberating. My heart was lighter and I had a smile on my face amidst the tears. Another situation was my having a conversation with a close family member and showing them how they refused to see my pain because they were blinded by the words of others against me. It ended with prayers being said by them over me and with us coming to a place of renewed love for each other. There are several others but these stood out the most for me. Maybe, I am easily forgiving, I probably am. However, I say this to remind you that forgiveness is just as important for you as it is for those who hurt you. Now, this is not to say that your pain does not matter, of course, it matters. Rather, this is to say that some of that pain heals when you choose to forgive. I hope that you find a way to forgive those who hurt, betrayed, or disappointed you. Now, forgiveness does not mean that you let them back into your life to do a greater wrong to you. No. It means that you walk closer to setting yourself free from the bitterness that grips at your heart ever so tightly.
I believe that as we ease into 2022, it is important for us to be more intentional about understanding that we matter, our pain matters and that though we struggle through certain things, this is not the end. Entering into the new year may be difficult for some of us because previous years have not turned out the way we expected but I urge you to hold on to a smidgen of hope. I wish I can tell you everything will be alright but I cannot. I also cannot promise that you will not get hurt again, nor can I guarantee you what the future has in store. I do know, however, that a life lived fully is a life worth living do not be afraid of getting hurt again. Life can be difficult sometimes, but ultimately we have to make the best of what we are given. I believe that this begins with forgiveness. Forgiving ourselves along with the circumstances and people who caused us pain.
About the pain, do not silence it. Face the pain head-on, acknowledge it, and talk to someone about it.
About your emotions, do not be ashamed of them. When you are in love/like with someone let them know.
About your voice, do not diminish it.
About finding happiness, sometimes finding happiness within yourself can be hard. Create your happiness.
Remove yourself from people and circumstances that do not uplift you. Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated.
Be proud of the person you are becoming. Appreciate your journey, look at how far you have come. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes.
Be compassionate and generous. Give compliments and words of encouragement liberally.
As I end this piece, I am reminded of a quote from one of my favourite TV shows, One Tree Hill. This quote sustains my faith in humanity and my belief that things will get better. Here it goes, “353,015. That’s how many babies are born today. And this one is mine. Every child comes with the message that God is not discouraged of us.” Think about this statement, what do you think it means and how can that keep you hopeful in 2022? Cheers to the New Year and the opportunities it presents for bigger and better.
